Welcome to Deployments, Tantrums, & Cold Coffee, the survival guide for solo military spouse parents doing their absolute best with a toddler on one hip and a lukewarm latte in hand. Today, we’re tackling a tough one: asking for help. (Cue the collective sigh and internal resistance.)

Let’s be honest—yes, you’re wildly capable. You’re the snack-packing, meltdown-managing, schedule-juggling MVP of your household, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all. Especially, not alone. Whether your partner is deployed, in training, or working hours that would make a vampire tired, one of the bravest things you can do is outsource without guilt, because surviving this season takes strategy—not superheroism.

That’s right: just because you can do everything doesn’t mean you should. So, order the groceries. Let the laundry pile up. Hire a babysitter for two hours and go take a walk—around Target, down the block, or anywhere you can breathe without someone asking for snacks every 90 seconds.

Now, if the thought of letting someone else take over makes your anxiety itch, I get it. As a former CPS social worker and an anxious mom, I’m extremely picky about who watches my kids. The idea of hiring a stranger off the internet? Cue internal spiral. So, I started small—I brought in someone to help with everything but the kids. Laundry, dishes, toilet-scrubbing—the stuff that was slowly stealing my sanity. I didn’t need a full-time house manager. I just needed help peeling back the layers of chaos.

Of course, for many of us, paid childcare just isn’t an option. Let’s go ahead and name the elephant in the daycare room: it’s expensive. Really expensive, but that doesn’t mean you’re out of luck. Consider forming a small, trusted group of fellow moms in your area. Rotate a couple hours each week—one watches the kids while the others clean, rest, or reclaim a tiny piece of themselves. It’s free, it builds community, and best of all? It reminds you that you’re not alone.

Remember, you’re not lazy. You’re not failing. You’re a one-person logistics department doing the work of an entire support battalion—and that deserves some dang backup. Whether it’s a paid sitter, a rotating mom squad, or just someone folding your towels all wrong but at least folding them, asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s a survival tactic.

So yes—outsource. Delegate. Let the dishes wait. Let someone else scrub the tub while you sit down for once. Protect your energy like it’s gold—because in this season, it absolutely is. When you’re ready to take the pressure off everything else? Check out the next article in the Deployments, Tantrums & Cold Coffee series: Set Ridiculously Low Expectations—And Feel Great About It, because survival mode deserves a standing ovation (or at the very least, a nap you don’t have to earn. )

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