Welcome back to Deployments, Tantrums, & Cold Coffee—the series for every military parent just trying to keep it together with a half-warmed mug and a toddler hanging off their leg. If you’re feeling burned out, worn out, or just completely wiped out, this one’s for you. We’re not talking about bubble baths and spa weekends (unless your toddler enjoys clawing at the bathroom door while you soak). We’re talking about the small, doable things that keep you from disappearing into the daily chaos, because let’s be honest—joy isn’t a luxury right now. It’s survival fuel.

No one’s seriously suggesting you “just take a spa day” when you can’t even pee alone, but finding little ways to sneak joy into your day? That can shift everything. Ten minutes with a cup of tea on the porch. A solo kitchen dance party. Mascara applied for no one but yourself. A walk while listening to a podcast that has nothing to do with parenting or deployments. These micro-moments aren’t frivolous—they’re the lifelines that help you feel human again. 

For me, one of those moments started with a single pot of lettuce and a lone strawberry plant. I didn’t have a grand plan—I just needed five quiet minutes a day to breathe, touch the earth, and do something just for me. That little pot turned into a daily ritual of checking on my plants, reconnecting with nature, and slowing down. Fast forward a bit…my hobby has completely taken over the backyard, but it didn’t start big—it started with a need to carve out a sliver of joy and purpose in a day full of toddler tantrums. 

Here’s a little reminder: when the kid finally goes to bed, don’t immediately launch into dishes and laundry just because they’re yelling at you silently from every room. Chances are, you’ll do all the housework and then be too exhausted to do anything for yourself. Flip it. Take ten minutes first—for tea, journaling, gardening, trashy reality TV, or whatever brings you back to yourself. The laundry will still be there. Your energy? Your joy? That’s a bit more fragile. Prioritize it.

Whether it’s gardening, painting, baking banana bread you’ll hide from your kids, or standing in the sun with your eyes closed pretending you’re on a beach in Fiji—find something small, consistent, and just for you. Those few minutes may not fix everything, but they can restore something. Sometimes, that tiny restoration is all we need to keep showing up.

This season of life may not offer much margin, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve space to breathe. In the Deployments, Tantrums, & Cold Coffee world, joy rarely arrives in big, curated moments—it sneaks in through quiet rituals and small wins. Whether it’s five peaceful minutes in the garden or a secret cookie eaten in the pantry, reclaim something that reminds you of who you are beyond the chaos, because you can’t pour from an empty cup, and you certainly can’t parent well from a place of burnout. Prioritize the spark. Protect your peace. If you need help remembering why your mental health matters just as much as your child’s next milestone—check out the next article in this series: Build a Battle Buddy Network. It’s a reminder that support isn’t a luxury either—it’s a lifeline.

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