If you’re reading this, chances are you’re somewhere in the Deployments, Tantrums, & Cold Coffee zone—that unpredictable stretch of life where parenting meets chaos, and support networks are more essential than a working coffee maker. Today, we’re diving into connection: the kind that doesn’t require a clean house, coordinated outfits, or Pinterest-worthy snacks. Whether you’re brand new to a duty station, knee-deep in deployment solo-parenting, or just feeling a little too isolated lately, this one’s for you. The reality is even one honest friendship can change everything.

Here’s the truth: you need your people. Whether it’s fellow spouses in the same boat, a neighbor who gets it, or an online group that laughs with you instead of offering unsolicited advice, connection matters more than ever. It can start with something simple—a weekly walk, a shared text thread, or a “come cry on my porch” playdate. If you’re new to the area or OCONUS, volunteering or joining spouse groups (even virtually!) can be the beginning of finding your tribe. Solo parenting was never meant to be a solo act—sometimes, we have to say it out loud: “I need help.” You’d be surprised how many others are quietly waiting to hear that and say, “Me too.”

Of course, building that kind of network doesn’t happen overnight. Making friends as an adult is already awkward. Making friends while solo parenting during a deployment? That’s basically expert-level awkward. It’s normal to feel too tired to socialize or too emotionally tapped out to try. The beauty is, it doesn’t have to be big or polished. Start with one small move: say hi to another parent at the playground. Join a Facebook group and post, “Anyone else need a walk and a vent session?” Invite one family over for dinner—even if it ends in screaming children and untouched mac and cheese. Real connection lives in the mess, not in perfectly curated squares.

That’s how my own battle buddy network started—during our Army hospital’s pregnancy classes. We were all first-timers, awkwardly clutching our diaper bags and trying to look like we had a clue. Belly laughs and baby kicks bonded us, and years later, we’re still going strong—just now through a Facebook group chat spanning multiple time zones and duty stations. We check in, vent, cry, and laugh about toddler disasters, and send memes like it’s our full-time job. That thread has kept me sane more times than I can count.

Not every person you meet will become your best friend—and that’s perfectly okay. Sometimes, all it takes is one local contact you trust enough to text, “I’m losing it. Can you talk for five minutes?” Your battle buddy might be the one who drops off coffee when you least expect it, or picks up your grocery order because you’re hanging on by a thread. Sometimes, you’ll be that person for someone else—and that support will heal something in you, too.

Whatever shape it takes, find your people. Build your little lifeboat. This season of military life can feel isolating, but with even one person rowing beside you, it becomes survivable—and even, once in a while, kind of fun (or at least not completely soul-crushing).

So, let’s be honest—this lifestyle has a way of making even the most confident among us Google “how to make adult friends without it feeling like dating.” True connection doesn’t come from perfect playdates or coordinated charcuterie boards. It comes from shared chaos, mutual snack bribery, and someone replying “same” when you send them a meltdown story at 8 a.m.

Having a battle buddy or two is so important, so make sure to find yours. You never, know, you may just become lifelong friends. Let your battle buddy know that you are in this season together, and get ready for the next installment in the Deployments, Tantrums, & Cold Coffee series — Making Your Health a Priority—Without Guilt.

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